Sharon Goff

Doing this little exercise can help you to see and understand:

• Who you’ve been
• Where you’ve been
• What you’ve learned
• What you used to believe
• What you may not believe anymore

We can use this information to help us figure out who and what we want to be in the future. I’ve heard a great quote that says something like “our past does not have to equal our future”.

In other words, if we find things that we want to change about ourselves, our beliefs, our actions, etc., then we can do that. I’ll share one of my life examples to explain. I found that I kept meeting, marrying, dating, living with, the same type of men over and over again but who wore different hats.

I was in a pattern (I didn’t realize this until just the last few years of doing this inner work) of letting men treat me any way they wanted to whether that be cussing me out up one wall and down the other, terrorizing me around the house, making me feel an inch tall, blaming me for their problems and their horrible actions, etc.

I have learned that this pattern from my past does not have to equal my future. I can learn new skills and tools, retrain myself, retrain my brain, and retrain my nervous system to start doing something different, something more empowering, something more self-loving and self-respecting.

Here's a thought experiment for you to do.
Write out a little timeline -as detailed as you want- about who you have been each decade of your life. You will gain many insights into what you see. No judgement. Just matter of fact.

All of the past you's have brought you here today.

Your future 'you' depends on the thoughts, choices, patterns, beliefs, and actions that you do today. Our past never has to equal our future, but it does take being intentional.

I have jotted down some of my past selves here to share a little bit about me.

Childhood and preteen:

• Playful, fun, silly
• Tomboy
• Playing outside, going through the woods, exploring, climbing around in the barn
• Playing tennis against the wall and shooting hoops
• Shy, timid, rarely talked
• Loved chicken noodle soup in my little thermos
• Loved, loved the Book Fairs and Book Mobile that used to come to my elementary school
• Loved Soul Train (that sent some church people out of their minds)

Middle school:

• Awkware, shy, timid, an outcast, a wallflower
• Dressed funny, dressed wild
• A social reject
• Self-harmed with knives and erasers
• Sank into depression
• Overweight
• Zero socializing skills
• Terrible clothes
• Desperately wanted to be liked and accepted, but wasn’t
• Started to really self-loathe
• Books, paper, and pens became my best friends and confidants
• I didn’t exist; except to be teased or bullied

Mid to Late teens:

• Dreamed of moving to New York, live as an independent woman
• Wanted to be an author and an artist

(if you can’t see it, you can’t be it) (I had no examples of independent solo women living their dreams)

• Instead, became a child bride (like my conditioning and like many of my ancestors)
• Didn’t finish high school until a year or so later
• Life was all about the spouse
• I left my childhood home to be with the spouse and follow him to different states

20’s, 30’s:

• My greatest blessings came when I had four beautiful children
• Lived unconsciously out of my conditioned past (religion, dogmatic rules, false hopes & dreams, Little House on the Prairie type fantasies about life, etc.)
• The “nice” girl
• Dutiful, no Voice, the ‘little’ wifey, doormat
• Full-time mother to my babies (heart)
• WW3 started breaking out in the marriage
• I endured psychological damage from verbal and emotional abuse, control, domineering behavior from the spouse
• I began fighting fire with fire which only intensified the fights but I did it for survival

40’s:

• Started retraining my brain and self with newly found self-help books and materials
• I got comfort, validation from authors whom I’d never met
• The Universe helped me escape my toxic, unhealthy marriage, but it felt violent and like it was trying to kill me in the process when the divorce finally happened
• Identity crisis
• Surviving survival mode
• Grieving
• Pursuing goals like college and degree’s
• My inner core broken down to expel all the old dead stuff so that I could be rebuilt with all the new stuff

50’s:

• Single, independent, strong woman
• Empty nester
• Working on my new purpose and mission in life (teaching these skills to others, writing, creating courses, etc.)
• Transitioning to a new woman and version of myself
• Becoming more spiritual again but in a new way and leaving behind religious dogma
• Learning how to integrate all of my parts
• Doing some traveling either with a friend or by myself
• Being able to allow my demons (fears, unhealthy patterns, loneliness, etc.) to come sit with me, face them, feel them, and let them be acknowledged so that I can integrate them into my Being
• Going through another level of awakening which has led me to more calm and peace that I never thought possible
• Learning how to take better care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually
•  

If you made it this far, I applaud you and I appreciate your taking the time to read through this article.

I am learning to love all of the ‘Sharon’s’ I’ve been throughout my fifty-some years of life so far…and nobody better not mess with her. I’ll cut a fool. (Just kidding…or am I?)

But this Sharon knows a little better now about how to protect herself, know that she is worth protecting, and worth loving. It's a daily, sometimes hourly, practice.

With love,

Sharon